How shadow work brought me to sacred sexuality.
Good Morning Bubblies, I have a new topic I’ve been diving into lately and it’s all about sexaul energy, passion, and empowerment to boost manifestations and everyday life.
There are many ways we feel restricted or repressed in our own sexuality. Society (or religion) is huge reason many feel it’s “wrong” or Taboo. I have always been in tune with sensuality and sexuality, always curious about its never ending depths. You see, In my younger times It was a curiosity of coarse, a big no no, smart a safe. There’s also a part that is a natural sensual flow of discovery. I could always “pick up” on “secret lovers” and those who were feeling each other emotionally or lustfully. I was a bit of a C-blocker especially in regard to my single mom, sorry mom.
So I fast forward into teen years, were I began to question my personal interests in attraction. Realizing I love people for who they are on a soul level, and their passion overall. I dated ladies and was anti-men for some time. That pattern went on until I had my first serious LTR which was 3 years at the time. Lack of sexual reciprocity and unaddressed mental health eventually ended that. I fell right into an illusion of what I thought I “needed/ craved” at that point, and become deeply lost in my silent cry for sexaul expression and connection. Then things really shifted, as I discovered I was pregnant with my first child, a week into saying peace to the father… Thats a whole blog in itself, but the passion was almost unworldly. Showing we can be pulled by our “passions/lust” if we aren’t attuned to our sexual power.
With all that, you see I am in the know of my own sexuality and it’s impact. I’m open minded and love to explore new things, being in my most recent and settled life of 8 years I gained even more appreciation for my sacred sexaulity. To make true love , soul connect with a healthy partner. I also worked on myself and my goals, ridding of old tired beliefs and ways of being. I introduced moldavite (meteorite crystal) in 2019 and that really amplified my introspection. I was embodying the art of self validation, working on more self disipline. Learning to embrace my mom body after 2 children ( both having to be c-sections). I’ve always had a love for myself deep down which made people question why? As if there was any reason they needed to express how much they despised my aesthetic or how I could dress certain ways ect.
That really got me confused in my youth, coming from family especially. I had to reconstruct much of my inner critic realizing I was very mean (self mutilative) to myself because of my environment and the examples of unrealized broken spirited people around me, who felt like they couldn’t truly be or express themselves. As I began mindful practices, more yoga, and diving very deep into extreme self love , I saw just how much I took on for my own thinking, that wasn’t even how I thought!
I went through really intense times, my gram’s death in 2020, then the pandemic, then another very close and unexpected death of my brother….It just about broke me. I thought I would not recover, thought I’d never find help. This was around the peak of my positive love and health journey too, so I gave up on all the work for almost a year after, slowly returning to my “great work” and working through my shadow once again. I found a somatic therapist, which I wish I could afford more often, as it is so pivotal. After another family death in 2022 I finally looked into adding a talk therapist, and self medicating with natural rememdies such as Lions mane and ashwahganda (mushrooms not psychoactive). Ashwahganda really started relaxing me like no other, opening my heart chakra even more with lessened stress. This awakened more of a connection with myself and others. It also enhanced my natural spiritual gifts, helping me connect with all types of energy around and within. Connecting deeper to what was coming up as true bliss in my life.
Now I know that felt like a tangent, but it builds off of learning your body, accepting it, and living a life a pleasure. To work through your shadow, you learn to accept all parts of yourself good, bad, and the ugly. It is a lifelong process that won't end until you do… and thats what I know in this life, but afterlife? We’ll have to see long into the path of life.
If you’ve held on until this point, I want to tie a few things together. Being naturally sensitive empath, I feel and notice alot. Through observation, I’ve now realized how to heal old traumas/wounds. To sit with the emotions that I’ve set aside and ran away from. In the past I would lose myself through sexual encounters. To “feel” something and escape the void only being left with more of a void. I settled for far less then my worth in those times. Going through the moments helped me now realize how low that was. There was a point where I just kept attracting low vibe person after person.
Once My daughter turned 1, I was inspired to not even bother dating anyone and to focus on my daughter and myself until she was an adult. I began focusing on myself love to be a better example for my babygirl , to break generational patterns. I finally started to really love who I was. To change my mindset and indulge in self pleasure literally & with life. I dove back into music, art , just overall truly expressing and living life. The rest is currently flowing for the past 8 years, as I met a true gentlemen, my fiancé. We work so magically together , and just fit. We have both grown as individuals and as a couple, as we give each other space for our own moments of self love, hobbies, work and more. We meet in a perfect melody of energies. ( I am an Aries Sun, he pisces Sun). Thats not to say we don’t have tough moments because with two kids in the mix, we don’t get many times for mutual sexaul pleasure. We are both very creative though and love doing similar things ( ie he skateboards I rollerskate) So we will just do our own things but together.
Happiness & peace of mind have really proven to be very sexy in life’s pleasure and embracing sacred sexuality. As I learn more about feng Shui and the Chakras it has really intertwined with opening my health. Learning that I have a typically Orange aura, it’s very Sacral chakra energy, all about sexaulity which is highly connected to creativity. So instead of shaming my sensuality, I have learned to work with this energy to create more. To attract and seduce better things into my life. I literally feel a stirring like a kundelini energy as I am compelled to create, even writing this blog inspires that within me. The energy of creation feels so good when you are connected to your mind, body, and soul.
to be continued.